A Time of Reflection

Today was one of those perfect Sundays. It didn't start out as anything spectacular (heck, I didn't even shower!) but I started a fast and was thinking about who I want to be and who I am right now. There's kind of a boy but the more I interact with him the less I want to do so. For starters, he doesn't open my door for me and I know from talking to my sister, Amber, that's enough to say, "Next!" We're just not on the same level. I really just want to focus on school and think about serving a mission. The answer I'm getting is "Not now, but keep it as an option." I have a firm testimony of The Book of Mormon but I would really like to have a better understanding of the other standard works. I'm reading the New Testament through for the first time. After that is The Book of Mormon again and then the Doctrine and Covenants. I'm a little surprised at how fast I'm getting through it. I'm in Romans right now and I love it! I think by the end of tonight I'll be finished and on to 1 Corinthians! Jennica Peck and I had an awesome heart to heart. We both know the Church of Jesus Christ is the true church and that everything about it is true and correct but sometimes people can drive us crazy! They just say things and sometimes you just want to ask them if they think before they speak. We just talked about mistakes we've made and experiences we've had that are somewhat regrettable but they've made us who we are. She has a boyfriend right now who is on a mission. He barely left so it's going to be a long wait but she loves him and I truly believe they can make it. She sent out a boy on a mission before and broke up with him so people are somewhat assuming that she's going to do the same thing with Mark. I won't divulge her personal life but I know that Anthony did not treat her with the respect she deserves and that's enough for me to break up with someone too. Whatever happens I know Jennica is not a shallow person and has enough respect for herself to do the hard thing, even if people around her may see her differently. I love her and always will. She also told me this amazing story that pretty much changed my life. There was this couple, the boy was going on a mission and the girl was going to BYU. I believe they were actually going to the MTC to send the man off but the car rolled and she died. They had talked and planned on getting married after his mission so the man asked the girl's mom if he could put a ring on her finger and put his last name on the tomb stone and mother allowed him to do so. The mother of the boy wrote to the prophet and explained the situation and asked if there was a way that they could be sealed. I don't know how the laws of heaven work but the prophet okayed it and the girl's mother stood in her place. The man is now married to someone else but she knows that she is his second wife. It sounds a little crazy and far-fetched but if it is true it just testifies to me that Heavenly Father believes in marriage and true love. I always knew that but it really struck me tonight. I want to love like that. Really want to be with someone eternally, not the fleeting, stupid crap. Sometimes I'll look at couples and wonder "What would happen if he became paralyzed?" or "What if she got Alzheimer's? Would they still make it? Would they stand by each other's side?" There's quite a few that I really don't know and there's a chance that I'm wrong about that, but with a few I feel like I know without a shadow of a doubt that they would do just about anything for that other person. I think we are selfish beings by nature so it's a miracle when someone feels that way about another human being. I want to be absolutely crazy about my husband!!! To be honest, I don't think I'm going to find him here in Kingman and that's quite alright because I know that when it's right and real, the "waiting" part won't seem like such a bother. It doesn't mean it will be easy and I'm sure I'll get impatient from time to time but I know I can get over it and I will. :-D