I Feel My Savior's Love

Well.... I did go painting with Sam, Ben, and Amber which was a blast. We never actually got to the painting bit but we picked out the portrait we want to try to reproduce. The reason we did not get to painting was because we ended up going to Safeway to pick up some ingredients needed for calzones. We made said calzones and watched "Inception" (always a classic). I carpooled with Amber so we ended up staying pretty late. Her and Ben had been getting pretty close so I felt bad about getting tired but I need my sleep! Turns out the next day Ben officially asked Amber to go out with him so they are together now :D All in all, jolly good fun :) In other news, I went on a date with Sam Gale! I've been on a date before but they were all with guys who were gay or were just good friends. This was my first date with someone who actually likes me. I know that he likes me from other sources such as my dad and he kind of made it obvious a few times before. There is a 5 year age gap but age is just the number of years you've been around. Nothing more. Anyway, I'm just going to go into all of the details on here because I can :) After the "painting" night I hadn't really talked to Amber, Sam, or Ben. Sam did save me a seat during Institute but other than that, nothing. It was really fun and I don't think I ever said thank you. Sunday was Stake Conference so I didn't get a chance to say thanks for all the fun times so I texted him late Sunday night. The next morning I have a message from him that reads " I think I may still owe you painting but I'm thinking a movie will have to do in the mean time." How smooth was that?! I just said "That'd be great!" He then said "I'll pick you up at 7. I expect flowers. JK" As soon as I read the JK I thought he was kidding about the whole thing. Later in the day he calls me and leaves a voice message singing about going to a movie. I couldn't understand it very well but I called him back and we went to "Contagion" at 7:25. He did pick me up at 7 and I gave him a flower made from duct tape. I even sprayed it so it wouldn't smell like duct tape. As he opened the door for me he let me know that he was trying to impress me. I let him know that it was working. We ended up talking through the entire movie. The theater was pretty empty but there was a man sitting in the row in front of us, slightly to the right. He didn't yell or anything but we could tell he wasn't happy because he promptly took off as soon as the credits started. Oops. Richard G. Scott said that going to a movie on the first date is just stupid. I didn't think it was stupid cause we ended up talking to each other throughout but I don't think I couldn't/would've done that with just anyone. I was a little nervous at first (and I'm a little nervous now cause he wants to sing tonight) but as soon as we starting going it all just felt natural. I've never gotten to this point with anyone before so I'm a little out of my league here but I know that I just need to have fun and let the dice fall where they will. Wish me luck! I went on a hike with Shadow today. I went to one of the places I remember first gaining a testimony of my Savior, Jesus Christ. I went to camp Levi-Levi, where the Kingman, Arizona stake holds there girl's camp every year. I believe I was 13 about to enter high school and the year before my friend Mishaunna Bowling had died in a car accident. I'd thought about her often that year but was excited about starting high school at this time. It was the Thursday before all of us girls would go back home. That's the night we have a testimony meeting with our wards and then with all of the girls together. I don't remember if I bore my testimony or not but the closing song was " I Am a Child of God" and that's the first time I remember feeling a huge outpouring of the spirit. I went back there today because last night Brother Alleman taught a great lesson about the temple and I can't really afford to go to Vegas and back so I went to the mountains, to the place where I first remember feeling close to my Savior. I went to the area where it happened and sang "How Great Thou Art". It was really cool because each time I sang the chorus the wind would blow through the trees and would make the beautiful sounds nature makes. After I finished the hymn, I said a little prayer of gratitude and made my way back down the mountain. Call it a tender mercy or not, I know that I am a child of God and that I am supposed to be here at this time. I know that He loves all His children and wants nothing more than for us to be obedient and return to His presence.

I Belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints!

Saturday was...just perfect. Not my ideal day but it's just what I needed at this time in my life. I woke up around 3:30 am to drop Joshua and Kim off at the school for the leadership workshop with Dr. Tim in Phoenix, AZ. I've attended that workshop at least two times and it's really cool because the things he teaches really go along with gospel principles as well as "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People". Being a good person because that's part of your character will show in your actions and will naturally inspire others to be better people. After dropping them off I went back to sleep (of course!) and woke up again around 7:30 to help the White Cliffs ward clean the church building. I had helped the Long Mountain ward clean the church building twice so I was used to just having someone sitting by the cleaning supplies and handing out jobs to do but that was not the case with White Cliffs. I couldn't find the person in charge and everything seemed to be taken care of so I went back home and applied for Love's gas station (cashier and clerk for Subway and the actual gas station part). Turns out one of my friends, Rusty, works there. Hopefully he can put in a good word for me. At 11 am a few members of the YSA met at the stake center to do baptisms for the dead with the youth of the Long Mountain ward. There were six of us from the YSA; Diane Cramer, Amber Vargas, Ben Gale, Dominique Rodriguez, B.J. Turney, and myself. The best part was that the six of us all rode in the same car! What a blast!!! It started out with Amber driving, Ben in the passenger seat, then me behind Amber, Diane next to me, B.J. then Dominique. Amber let Diane drive because she's not a fan of driving in Vegas and she wasn't sure where the temple was. So it switched to Diane driving, me in the passenger seat, Amber behind Diane, Ben, Dominique, then B.J. Amber wasn't able to go down to the font with us but she enjoyed the grounds of the temple, which are always so lovely! Diane, Ben, B.J. and Dominique have been endowed so they got to ride the elevator down. I wonder if there's some significance to that or if it's because endowed members are usually older so they just try to make it convenient for all endowed members... I don't know. Anyway, when we get to the chapel we wait for a while. Turns out the man conducting our meeting was new to it. We sing "Come, Follow Me" and have an opening prayer then the First Counselor of the Temple Presidency address us. I don't remember everything he said but he invited us to follow the Savior and return to the temple as often as we could and encouraged us to have our own limited use recommend. I do have one of those, it's just a matter of having gas money and time. I've got plenty of time now, just not a whole lot of moolah. The actual baptizing and confirming was a little different than any other time I went. Some were just baptized and some were able to be both confirmed and baptized. Diane just did baptisms and I got to do both. Ben, B.J, and Dom helped the Melchizedek Priesthood holders that witnessed and dunked. Ben told me later than he really wanted to baptize Diane and I, which was sweet but the guy who did baptize us knew one my sisters in Flagstaff. I didn't know which one and I forgot to ask. I'm thinking Angela just because he seemed about the same age as her but it's always interesting to find those little connections in life. On the way home Diane drove, B.J. sat up front then it was me, Amber, Ben, and Dominique in the back. Amber and I do not have the narrowest hips so we ended up spooning a little bit. Just a whole lot of fun and giggles. We got home around 6 pm, enough time to go home, eat, sit for a little bit, then head on over to the Rutherford building for David Cruz's baptism!!! I really enjoyed the talks given. The talk on baptism was just simple and I really like how he worded it all. The ordinance is very quick but it opens a gate to a path. Just simple, sweet, and to the point. Maddie Peterson gave a talk on the Holy Ghost. Again simple but perfect. Before the baptism began I sat next to Amber and we got to talking and I'm excited for the day she can do baptisms with us. She's excited and I don't blame her. I've always kind of taken it for granted but it really is a huge blessing and to see someone work towards it because they know it's true. She's come a long way and I love her dearly and can hardly wait till she can go through those doors with us. We're going to go to the temple the first weekend she's got her recommend! After the baptism the Pease family invited everyone to swim at their house. I wasn't sure how to get to their house so I drove to Amber's and we carpooled. It was a jolly good time. Not perfect but a jolly good time. We ended up staying till about 11 pm. Poor Maddie, she had the feet flippers on and was pretending to swim like a mermaid under water and ran into the wall! She came up and had a pretty good sized scrape. It ended up bleeding and almost getting into her eyes. Luckily Brian followed her home and I found out yesterday that her parents would wake her up every two hours. I was very glad to see her alive on Sunday. When Amber and I got to her house we were talking about stuff and I ended up going inside with her. She basically told me about how her and Ben starting getting so close. When her brother, Rusty, got home she started telling me about her work place. It ended up going on until about 3 am. Needless to say my mom was worried sick because my phone had died and I didn't think to call her but it was just a wonderful day. I went to the temple that day fasting for employment. I've been looking for a job for a while now but no one has called me back or anything so I was becoming discouraged. I was beginning to wonder if I should even bother staying in Kingman longer than a few more months. I fasted for a job but that day I gained a testimony that the Lord really knows our hearts and our desires. It's only Monday so I'm not expecting a whole bunch of phone calls today but I know that I am supposed to be here and that things will work themselves out. I'm still working for my mom and trying to make her yard look awesome. She's noticed that I've been working out there so that's good. There's still a lot I need to do but it is coming along. I plan on attending MCC in the spring and getting my CNA certification and possibly a Medical Billing and Coding degree or whatever it is I need to do that. One last thing. I've been invited to paint with Sam, Ben, and Amber. I'm excited to say the least so I'll blog about that for sure. :D

Curve Ball

So if you read my last post I said I'd be going to Mohave Community College and working as a CNA. That didn't work out. I don't think I'll be attending MCC at all. My true intent was to go to MCC this fall semester but they only have one person evaluating transcripts for three campuses! Huge oversight in my opinion. Anyway that didn't really fall through. I've been looking for a job and nothing has come through with that as well. I've been doing work around the house/yard for my mom which gets me some money. Not a lot but enough to get by. I know that I'm supposed to be here for some reason. I'm not quite sure what that reason is yet but I feel like it's something big and important. Like my time back in Kingman is going to affect the rest of my life. I've been reading The Book of Mormon again. It's been a while since I have so it's good to reread it and notice the things I didn't or have a better understanding of what the prophets are teaching. I finished "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" last night. Truly an inspiring book! My mom wants me to read a book called "Aspire". I think it's kind of along the same lines as 7 habits but focusing on the power of words. I have always thought that words are very powerful both for good and bad. Actions do speak louder than words but words still speak. Overall, I'm really excited about life and I'm going to start reading "Aspire" today. My brother Bob read it and he seemed excited so I can't wait to have my mind blown! My most recent adventure happened this morning. I went into the kitchen to make breakfast for myself and had a craving for pancakes with strawberry syrup. We had some frozen buttermilk pancakes but no strawberry syrup so... I decided to make some! We have frozen strawberries for smoothies and what not so I defrosted them and got creative. I have never made syrup in my life but the final product was pretty darn tasty! Not perfect but edible and tasty. I want to be better at doing this so I need to start living my life so I can write awesome things and share it with whoever wants to read this :)

It's been a while

Almost a year. Needless to say a lot of things have happened. I'm still single but I'm really okay with it. I need to figure out how I want to live my life and just do it and then if a guy wants to join me, he will.

I got a credit card and therefore I have some debt to pay off... But I am really close to getting it paid off and once I do I plan on going to Six Flags Magic Mountain with Brian Barker, Joshua Shupe, Josiah Sanchez, and probably Chelaine Hoffer and Kara Paul. But who knows, right?

I'm going back to Kingman August 1st, 2011 to be a CNA (certified nurse's assistant). It only takes a semester so I can start working full-time! I really want to get out of debt as far as student loans are concerned and if I can do it fairly quickly I may go on a mission but there's still time to plan for that.

I'm almost 20 (about 18 more days)! I'm not 100% sure what I'll be doing to celebrate but there will be pink lemonade in a teapot and Lake Mary. Even if I have to go myself, it's going to happen.

I'm currently living with Stephen and Sarah Padilla (Sarah used to be Sarah Robles). I still get to do my normal routine (work and then play) but I get to babysit her kids when she needs me to. They are wonderful! Andrew is 5, Barrett is 3, and Presley is almost 1 and has started walking a little bit.

I have found someone that I think I can tell everything to. I mean everything. There's a lot that I've told people about my past but there's still one big secret that no one knows, not even my mom or my younger brother or anyone I've called a best friend but I think I could tell him. I don't know if I will because it's not just something you bring up in a casual conversation. If he asks about it then I will but I'm not ready to just blurt it out.

This same friend has also gotten me addicted to Tumblr.com. It's kind of a problem.

I started reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. I'm only on the 1st habit but it truly is inspiring and I need to purchase it for myself, (I borrowed it from my old roommate

Being lost is an awfully great adventure.

Today was my first time on Flagstaff's urban trail. I lived here for a year and had heard how beautiful it was but never had taken the time to see it for myself. I really felt like I was in a completely different place. Like the sacred garden or my personal piece of heaven. Even when I saw others on the trail.

Due to my serious lack of responsibility I have been somewhat forced to move back to Flagstaff. At first I hated the idea but now I feel this is my official new chapter in my life. Thanks to the skills I've learned from Vector Marketing I know that I can still be a rock star anywhere I go. I will still sell when I can but I'm going to also try everything I've always been afraid to do. I don't want to be afraid of succeeding anymore. It's a silly thing to fear

Speaking of Vector Marketing; Amber and I started talking because there were a lot of things on my mind. Bryan being one of them. I think if I were to go back to kingman I would go trying to impress him. We were talking about what we want out of our significant other and I want someone who knows how weird I am, how odd my sense of humor is, someone who knows how I think and still likes me. I feel like I've already scared him. So that's that. He said he would come visit me but as soon as he said " I promise " I didn't expect him to ever come. I have some trust issues. Especially with boys I don't know very well.

I sent an application into the city of kingman office for a part time transit operator. We'll see what comes of it.

Remember me tonight, when you're asleep.

One more week until our vector marketing conference and 34 days until I turn 19. It's been five days since Grandpa Proctor's funeral and three days since Grandma and Grandpa Proctor's anniversary.
It just amazes me how I can have so many different thoughts about life and people in my life in just a short amount of time. Up until Monday night I thought I was practically in love with my manager but in just reading an article in the New Era can change how I look at him. Pretty much I "loved" him because he makes me happy. I enjoy talking with him (we have to call before and after every demo). He seemed to make me feel like I could really do anything but I feel like he's good at it cause he has to. I feel like we could be really good friends but I don't know if that's something he'd be interested in. I mean it's a summer job. Maybe that's how long our "relationship" will last.

I've come to the conclusion that I probably will not have some summer romance. Or any type of romance for a while. I need to guard my heart a little bit and try to make it a little stronger so it can fight a little better :)

I am not alone. I never have been. I don't know why I thought I was. It seemed easier to complain about it but I realize now that I really don't need to cause I am not the first one to feel bad for herself. To feel like she will never get a happily ever after or have her first kiss. I think once I realize that even if I don't get those things, I WILL BE OKAY! Life is short so I'm just going to have fun and do my best to be my best. Thank you soooooooooooooooooooooooo much Maddie and Tegan. I wasn't sure if coming home would be a good idea but I know this is what I needed. You two are the best.

Keep on the Sunny Side

So I am super excited about my job at Vector Marketing. Mind you, it's still not the easiest thing but I'm having fun and I like meeting new people and I truly am in love with cutco. I'm sure some of my friends still think I'm crazy for doing this but life is short so why not be crazy for a summer? I also get to spend a lot of time with Tegan Gibelyou and a new friend Maddie Peterson. These two ladies are just great and I love them dearly. All three of us were promoted(?) to Key Staff. Basically that means we're awesome. Things are still moving pretty slowly but I feel like that will change soon and if not, then I did my best and will keep at it cause I want to!