Shedding Some Light

The first thing I want to publish is that I LOVE THE SCRIPTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Each time I read them with the intent of coming to learn more about my Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, I do learn more about Them. Some of my more recent findings were about how cool and extremely helpful the Spirit is. In Romans 8:26-28 we learn that the Spirit helps us in our infirmities, even communicating in our behalf when we don't know what to pray about. This scripture shed some light on what promptings really are: help with infirmities. I cross referenced that to Mosiah 4:5-11. Here we learn what attributes the Spirit can help us accumulate and the blessing of becoming a saint are found in verse 12. We will always be full of joy and have no desire to injure one another but to be helpful and bring joy into other people's lives. And if that weren't great enough, in Alma 5:59-60, the Lord promises to destroy any ravenous wolves who endanger his flock. Sign me up for that team! All of this reading came from this week's lesson in the Atonement, Forgiveness, and Repentance class I'm taking. This week was Reconciliation-Bringing a change of heart. The Spirit of the Lord is able to awaken our senses to our guilt and guide us to do the right thing. Even confessing to a Bishop. I have been meeting with my Bishop since the beginning of this year and to be honest there were two particular things that I thought I had overcome so I didn't mention them but come to find out that I had not overcome them. I messed up but knew better this time to tell my Bishop about both things and now, well I don't dare say I'm cured but by bringing those things to light, I have broken my oath with Satan and am trying to make my way back into the Light of Christ. I have been approved to partake of the sacrament again. I now have a calling in my ward. The blessings have been pouring out in other areas of my life as well and I want others to enjoy their own blessings. I testify that God loves His children. I know that He is the perfect Parent and wants nothing more than for the chance to bless us for our obedience to the laws that made him God. He wants us to succeed in every way imaginable so he will let us stumble, fall, and go through terrible trials because parents do that for their kids. If parents could take away all the heartache their children suffer, I have no doubt that they would but parents need to let their kids get hurt sometimes. That is how compassion is developed. That is how good people are made. By the choices they make during those terrible times. I know that God is no different. He is ready with open arms and so is His Son, Jesus Christ. If you don't believe me, try counting how many times the phrase "but my arms are stretched out still" appear in the Old Testament. I leave this as my witness in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Who you really are

I am taking a New Testament Institute class and on Monday, my inspired teacher showed us the spirit of Satan. Sounds different, right? It was but it was so... insightful. It is very common for people to think negatively about oneself and even others. Each time you catch yourself thinking in either way. Be very careful about the road you are on. Satan knew God's plan for us. He knew the gospel of Jesus Christ. He just didn't think we could be trusted with the responsibility to choose. He saw us nothing more than stupid cattle. He had no faith in our abilities. He saw no potential in us. Sound familiar at all? So! I really encourage you to remember that you chose the wiser plan. Heavenly Father knew you could handle the responsibility to choose Him. He knew you could do it so give yourself some credit and then remember that everyone around you made that same decision so love them and root for them too.

A little perspective for ya

So.... I just had my 22nd birthday about a week and a half ago. It was not the worst birthday but it wasn't the best either. If anything I gained a new perspective on what is most important and that is the perfect gift for me. So the story goes like this: Every year the Shupe Family Reunion falls on the weekend of my birthday. It just does and I don't mind (get to see all my family on my dad's side, who could ask for more?). I couldn't go last year because I had work. I could't go the year before that because I was in Flagstaff and couldn't afford the drive. So needless to say I miss my extended family and really wanted to see them and I really thought I was this year. My plan for the day was to help Stephanie, my land lady, with moving a stove, refrigerator, and a microwave from Fillmore back to Duchesne, get back in time for Dylan and I to leave around 5 or 6 and get to Bear Lake around 8 or 9 at night. I was expecting to hear from Dylan around noon to see when he was going to get off exactly but I never heard from him until 6 pm so Stephanie had the idea, why not have someone come pick me up in Salt Lake? I didn't think it would be that much of a hassle so I proposed it to my dad and he told me Angela was already heading towards that way to pick up John so try to coordinate with her. She had already picked John up by the time I contacted her and we weren't even in Fillmore yet so long story short, it didn't happen and to be honest, it hurt my feelings. I'd like to think that if the roles were reversed, even if I had driven 14-15 hours, I would turn around and get one of my siblings. Especially if it was their birthday. But who knows how I would really react. All the day through though, my family had been wishing my a "Happy Birthday". I even got one from my cousin Corey. That night, when we finally got home, I looked on Facebook to see all the "Happy Birthday" wishes there but there were none. Not a single one. When Dylan got home he had a card, wooden flowers, and a movie for me. When I told him about the Facebook disappointment he reminded me that my family had wished me happy birthday. That was one of those moments when it kind of slaps you in the face. Like "Duh! Of course your family wanted to see you but things just didn't match up and that's no ones fault. These are the people that will always care about you and will take the time to call you and sing the 'Happy Birthday' song." So thank you family of mine for loving me the way that you do and thank you friends for not wishing me a happy birthday so I could appreciate my family more.

A time to wake and a time to sleep

If you couldn't tell by the title, I need to sleep more. I've been hanging out with my sister, Shannon, whom I love greatly but I am not in love with her sleeping habits or the eating habits that go along with it. I am currently in a competition in which I need to lose close to 40 lbs by the end of this summer. I'm going to do it because I could really use $2000 (who couldn't?!). And since dating Dylan I've achieved my heaviest weight so far. I want to make this the limit really. Even when I get pregnant I don't want to ever feel this way again. I took my blood pressure at a Kiosk in Wal-Mart and the computer told me I have great blood pressure which was a relief to me so I must be doing something right. Or I was at that moment at least.... So.... I finished my first year at Dixie State College of Utah in Saint George, Utah. I absolutely loved it. I don't know if it was due to the classes I was taking or if it's just he overall experience that the school has to offer but I really felt enlightened and like I wasn't wasting my time. I looked forward to learning what the courses had to offer me. Part of me thinks that I'm just at a stage in my life when I just want to finish school and do well in school so social events don't matter to me anymore. In that regard, I didn't really make any friends there which I take full responsibility. I became a recluse. This is the first time I'm "going off to college" on my own. In Flagstaff I had Amber to guide me and then I went back to Kingman where I had all my Kingman friends so yeah could probably improve my social skills and at least get out of my apartment. I have officially made a goal for the upcoming semester; I will attend at least one event that the college offers each month. Hopefully I will increase the radius of my comfort zone and attend more but for the time being, I will attend at least one event that the college offers each month. My one complaint about my experience at Dixie would have to be my apartment complex. True, I didn't do a whole lot of research before committing to the place so won't be doing that again. There was no real supervision at night and no one honored the "quiet time". If you told management about something then something ended up happening to you or your property. Craziest night would have to be the Friday before I moved out for the summer. I'm pretty sure the girl that lived above us was possessed. Or least acting like it. I'm pretty sure missionaries were called so it may have been legit. Either way, pretty crazy night. Which goes back to my original topic of needing to sleep more. I need to find a place that offers quiet and will let my family visit and stay with me, namely brothers, a dad, and a Dylan. I am truly looking forward to owning this weight loss competition and getting that $2000 for school or possibly a wedding dress :D I've started running 2 miles every morning. I haven't today because it is dreadfully hot outside. The wind is blowing so I think I'm going to go for it later. I also have some yard work to look forward to. Yard work=$$$ so can't complain too much. On a final note just want to say to whoever is reading this, if you are going through any kind of crisis and you feel like there is nothing you can do, remember that you are an intelligent being with an incredible brain and you are the programmer. I've learned that just by getting your heart rate up can do wonders for your physical, mental, and even emotional health. Take control of the things you can and let go of the things you can't. Whatever is afflicting you is conquerable and you have an unconquerable soul. You're stronger than you know and you probably have more support than you realize. Keep your head up and knock those problems out of the park!

School and Junk and Stuff

It's been a while so I'm just going to jump right into it all. I am now in St. George, Utah attending Dixie State College and I LOVE IT!!!! It's challenging and fun and fascinating and just wonderful :D I am studying to be a medical radiographer and should be done in about 3 years if everything goes according to plan. I am dating Dylan Vossler and we're talking marriage ( just a heads up). My family doesn't seem to like him but they don't know him like I do and I refuse to give up on him. I had my 21st birthday in July and I spent it working and hanging out with Shannon and Shayla. Dylan took me out to breakfast at Denny's and gave me a promise ring.

I am quite fond of it :) We're going to a Dethklok concert in November and that's when he's planning on proposing ( so much for the surprise). And for those of you wondering, he is not LDS but he doesn't hate the Church. It's hard for him to believe anything easily but I'm not giving up on him. I personally believe that I was meant to be in his life at the time that I was introduced to him to help in grow a little faith. A little is better than none and frankly it's no one's business. It's between him and Heavenly Father. I think what everyone needs to know is that he is a good, caring, honest, loving man and would never hurt me in any way. He is a hard worker and is very smart and enjoys learning new things about life. He has had a full life thus far and wants to include me in it. I love him and always will. As of today, I played racquetball and need to practice a lot more. I've been working out regularly and eating better. My family is doing a second weight loss competition and I plan on really competing this time. So here's to a better, healthier life :D!

A Time of Reflection

Today was one of those perfect Sundays. It didn't start out as anything spectacular (heck, I didn't even shower!) but I started a fast and was thinking about who I want to be and who I am right now. There's kind of a boy but the more I interact with him the less I want to do so. For starters, he doesn't open my door for me and I know from talking to my sister, Amber, that's enough to say, "Next!" We're just not on the same level. I really just want to focus on school and think about serving a mission. The answer I'm getting is "Not now, but keep it as an option." I have a firm testimony of The Book of Mormon but I would really like to have a better understanding of the other standard works. I'm reading the New Testament through for the first time. After that is The Book of Mormon again and then the Doctrine and Covenants. I'm a little surprised at how fast I'm getting through it. I'm in Romans right now and I love it! I think by the end of tonight I'll be finished and on to 1 Corinthians! Jennica Peck and I had an awesome heart to heart. We both know the Church of Jesus Christ is the true church and that everything about it is true and correct but sometimes people can drive us crazy! They just say things and sometimes you just want to ask them if they think before they speak. We just talked about mistakes we've made and experiences we've had that are somewhat regrettable but they've made us who we are. She has a boyfriend right now who is on a mission. He barely left so it's going to be a long wait but she loves him and I truly believe they can make it. She sent out a boy on a mission before and broke up with him so people are somewhat assuming that she's going to do the same thing with Mark. I won't divulge her personal life but I know that Anthony did not treat her with the respect she deserves and that's enough for me to break up with someone too. Whatever happens I know Jennica is not a shallow person and has enough respect for herself to do the hard thing, even if people around her may see her differently. I love her and always will. She also told me this amazing story that pretty much changed my life. There was this couple, the boy was going on a mission and the girl was going to BYU. I believe they were actually going to the MTC to send the man off but the car rolled and she died. They had talked and planned on getting married after his mission so the man asked the girl's mom if he could put a ring on her finger and put his last name on the tomb stone and mother allowed him to do so. The mother of the boy wrote to the prophet and explained the situation and asked if there was a way that they could be sealed. I don't know how the laws of heaven work but the prophet okayed it and the girl's mother stood in her place. The man is now married to someone else but she knows that she is his second wife. It sounds a little crazy and far-fetched but if it is true it just testifies to me that Heavenly Father believes in marriage and true love. I always knew that but it really struck me tonight. I want to love like that. Really want to be with someone eternally, not the fleeting, stupid crap. Sometimes I'll look at couples and wonder "What would happen if he became paralyzed?" or "What if she got Alzheimer's? Would they still make it? Would they stand by each other's side?" There's quite a few that I really don't know and there's a chance that I'm wrong about that, but with a few I feel like I know without a shadow of a doubt that they would do just about anything for that other person. I think we are selfish beings by nature so it's a miracle when someone feels that way about another human being. I want to be absolutely crazy about my husband!!! To be honest, I don't think I'm going to find him here in Kingman and that's quite alright because I know that when it's right and real, the "waiting" part won't seem like such a bother. It doesn't mean it will be easy and I'm sure I'll get impatient from time to time but I know I can get over it and I will. :-D

I'm trying but not as much as I should be

So it's been a while. I stopped blogging mostly because Sam and I started making out and I didn't think anyone really wanted to know about that (especially after finding out my dad has read some of my posts...) but for those of you who don't already know, Sam and I broke up about a month ago, possibly to the day. I don't really remember but anyways... he said his life has gotten too busy and it really has but part of me wonders if there were other reasons. And there probably are/were but that doesn't change the fact that it's over and there's nothing I can do about it. Now that I've kind of stepped back and looked it over I realize now that it was probably going to end sooner or later. I just read a post from Tegan's blog and some of the things she wrote about what a relationship needs just didn't really apply to Sam and I. I didn't feel comfortable around him and I didn't feel like I could ever really open up to him. At least not any time soon. As far as how I feel about it all... If I had to sum it up I would have to say " I'm glad it happened but I'm glad it's over now." I wasn't being honest with Sam or with myself. I think we did it all wrong and I'm pretty sure that's my fault. I may be a little old fashioned but I think being someone's girlfriend means you're thinking about really getting to know this person and has marriage potential. You should marry your best friend and that takes time so go out on dates, hang out, become friends and then see where it goes from there. My thought process is a committed relationship is saying " I'm trying to figure out if I want to marry you and you're doing a pretty good job so far." and then the proposal is saying " I've made up my mind, I want to seal the deal." I knew that's not what Sam was thinking from the very beginning and I think if I had the courage to say no I could have saved some heartache and regret. I think the biggest thing I'm afraid of now is what people think and say. I kind of disappeared after Thanksgiving so I wouldn't be surprised if people thought I was hiding out and maybe I was. I'd never been through a break up before! I wanted to be with my family and I am so glad I was. I went to Phoenix/Avondale/Buckeye to help my sister Amber with her choir concert and while I was there I got to spend a lot of time with John, Angela, Emma, and Owen. John and Angela used to live in New Mexico so we didn't see them much so it was nice to spend some quality time with Emma and Owen and hopefully they realized how awesome I am. Owen seems to get it but Emma may need a little more convincing ;) Anywho... My brother Rob gave me an assignment to read two talks given by General Authorities of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. One was given General Conference by Dieter F. Uchtdorf "You Matter to Him" and one by Richard G. Scott "To Acquire Knowledge and the Strength to Use it Wisely" given during a devotional at BYU. I read them and was grateful for the opportunity to talk with my older brother about them and he gave me some "tough love". It may have been tough for him to say it but I am grateful that he did. I kind of lost my focus and even forgot some of the things that I used to be super passionate about. I want to travel and play racquetball and sign up for some awesome dance lessons. I want to do so many things but I fear I've become too comfortable being idle. I need to get some guts and earn some glory. I applied for a few jobs online today but I need to do the check up as well. I think I'm going to re-read those talks and remember what Rob told me. I haven't been living up to my potential and I want to repent. I did finish The Book of Mormon and I've shared my testimony twice now during Fast and Testimony meeting. The recent plan is to still get my CNA certificate and possibly get the rest of my requirements met for my Associates Degree and do the Online Diagnostic Imaging and Therapy program through NAU. Hopefully that means I can get back to Flagstaff and work full-time and do my class assignments when I have that spare time. Here's to a new dawn, a new day, a new life.